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The Dialectic of Romantic Love
Monday, December 23, 2013 1:15 pm Email this article
As said before, I use stereotypes a lot in the office. It’s okay as long as (1) they are mostly true, (2) the use is helpful and (3) I am aware there are exceptions. I also use stereotypes in life. Here is one.
(A) Most men fall in love inspirationally, in a flash, then later search for logical reasons for their choice. They fool themselves into believing it happens the other way around.
(B) Most women choose mates logically, taking their time to do so, then later “find love”. They believe it happens the other way around.
This way of men and women is ideally suited to propagate the species.
It’s also an example of dialectic, a method socialists use to understand history. There is initially some good quasi-stable system. Over time it generates its opposite, leading to conflict. One of the systems wins, leading to a new semi-stable state, etc. etc. The mistake Karl Marx made was to believe that once socialism was achieved, dialectics would disappear. But dialectics continued, leading to the demise of socialism in Russia, as it is leading to the demise of capitalism in America. Human beings yearn for stability, or really permanency. But the law of Nature is change.
You see what happens. Romantic relationships are formed as in A and B. The B thing tends to stabilize the relationship; the A thing tends to destabilize. For, finding difficulty fitting logical reasons to their current mate and being “inspired” by some new woman, there is conflict, leading to a new resolution. And the dialectic continues. The reason marriages continue at all is because our instincts are overlaid by civilization, which says, “Keep your promises”. I like civilization.
I love words, too, as you know. The word “romance” comes from the medieval poets, troubadors, in France who sang about love in (their version of) Latin, the language of the Romans, about the most unromantic people you’d ever meet. Later when the first popular novels were written in French, they were mostly about, well, romances. Hence the French term for novel roman. As opposed to the French word for short story nouvelle, meaning ‘new’.
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